According to my afternoon dream, there’s a path somewhere in the Pacific Ocean that you can WALK ON underneath the water, and you can BREATHE. It’s really freaking coo. The path is sparkly. And, if you walk the entire length of it, you’ll get to shore, where you’ll find a BEAUTIFUL BLUE PARROT. Wondrous stunners….

Watch out for pesky stingrays, though….

Mmm…, sleep. I got a MUCH-NEEDED afternoon nap. Of course, I was ruthlessly and repeatedly woken up — “IT’S UP TIME, MOMA!” “GROWWWL, NO. IT’S. NOT!” “I HAFTA PEE, MOMA!” “GROWWWL, okay, let’s go….” But, It’sgrandma came to the rescue at 3pm and I got some sound sleep. Only caveat was that Rascal had to use me the whole time as a pacifier….

So, I managed today. I’m SO SICK with a fever, aches everywhere, throbbing sinuses, THE WORKS. But, I managed.

One of the best ideas I’ve had in a long time was lying on my living room floor (surrounded by toys, as usual) in supta baddha konasana, or Reclined Bound Angle Pose:

I, like, HAD to. I was in so much pain that it’s the only thing I could think of doing to relieve myself. I had Rascal on one side of me and Monkey on the other. As my aching body surrendered — chest opened up so I could breathe and back released into the yoga bolster — monkey played doctor on me.

“Monkey,” I said, “Mama has a fever and needs a checkup, can you make me better, Dr. Monkey?”
“Yes, Mama! I make you bedder…!”

And, she proceeded to rub her imaginary balm on my legs, check my heart, cut my chest open. It was AWESOME. Meanwhile, Rascal watched in utter amazement.

I’m not the most brillers person in the world, I know. But, this, Gorgeouses? This was BRILLERS!

In the evening, Josh-O took monkey to dinner, and I made things easier for myself by bathing with urine the Rascal. It was so sweet…. Nothing like a hot bath for the aching joints, coupled with sweet Rascal love and giggles….

I’m losing steam here. Head is THROBBING and shoulders are falling. off. Of course, there’s more to say today — Rascal’s crawling and clapping (HOORAH but LORDHELPME), and Monkey will ONLY wear dresses these days….

NEW SHOES, MOMA! I GOT NEW SHOES!

Okay, how ADORABLE are these? I WAAAAAAAANT THEM! Yes, for myself.

And, Gorgeouses…. Are you ready for this? She’s wearing last year’s Halloween costume to bed….

Mmmm, COMFY!

So much to tell you, yes…. But, I must…to bed.

LOVE. xo Haley-O

I think it’s when your sick.

When I got home last night after teaching yoga, it’s like my body totally shut down. My throat started to ache, neck stiffened, eyes began to burn and temples to throb….

It’s like my body said “WHOOOAAAAH, there, Haley! I’ve had ENOUGH! I let you teach yoga, and now it’s my turn for some attention. Gimme gimme.”

But, when you’re a mom, you just don’t have the luxury of giving your body what it needs. There’s no putting your feet up. Because the second you do, someone wants something. And, there’s no closing your eyes. Because the second you close your eyes, your 9-month-old pops your daughter’s pirate ring in his mouth….

I just hated it today, Gorgeouses. I REALLY needed some space. I REALLY needed to run the bath, fill it with pink bubbles, pop on my lavender silk eye mask and BASK. I needed a massage. I needed QUIET. I needed to be by myself, in the dark, or preferably on a deserted island with Minden and mangos.

Instead I got the gamut of T-shirt pulling, hair pulling, earring pulling, nipple pinching, FACE CLAWING! I’m surprised I’m all still in tact…. I also got non-stop “MOMA COME!” Don’t you love that? Like I have nothing better to do. And, LIKE I want to be called “Moma” — rhymes with Mona. LIKE that doesn’t grate on my nerves. When I’m sick. And when I do not want to be called ANYTHING, but especially not MOOOOMA. LEAVE ME ALONE!

Isn’t that terrible? My own kids? Shouldn’t I be LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT?

Excuse me one second….

GROWWWWWL! LEAVE THE CAT ALONE! STOP SMOTHERING YOUR BROTHER! GET. OFF. ME! Monkey, GASP, do you have to go pee pee!@#$@#!?

Oy, I hate feeling like this! But he won’t sleep, and she won’t stop, and I THINK I HAVE FEVER!

It’sgrandma came to pick up Monkey at 4pm. Finally. I blew bubbles with them on the front steps until she came. Well, until Monkey spilled the whole bottle. Blurp.

But, now, Monkey’s not here, and I miss her…. I miss her big little head…. And, all that hair…. And, the way she purses her li’l lips (oy)!

It’s quiet…. Too quiet (even as Rascal is KVETCHING. Shuuuuudduuuup! Aaargh).

I feed Rascal an extravagant dinner of vanilla yogurt. Yes, I go all out tonight.

I put some of Monkey’s clothes in her hamper. Missing her. I start the Rascal’s bath. Take off his “Mr. Mischief” T-shirt and stroke his soft-as-velvet skin. I chuckle at the relaxed way he holds his sloppy wet lower lip. I kiss his ear. Give him a big fat ZERBERT on the cheek. And, I kiss him some more.

After his bath, we lie in bed together. He rolls all over the place, all crazy inquisitive, and bites the CARP out of my nipple JUST to see me SCREAM, while I ATTEMPT to get some work done.

At least I’m in bed….

Josh-O gets home. He makes me apple cinnamon tea. For some reason am craving apple cinnamon tea. I hand Rascal over.

6:52. Finally, some time TO MYSELF. Feet are up, Gorgeouses. Feet are up.

I love you, Monkey and Rascal, more than anything in the world. Even when I’m having a bad day. Even when body refuses to work with me and show it…. I love you.

Sometimes it’s ALL just too much.

Awesome, Gorgeouses. Awesome in the FULL, self-preserving, be-YOND, infinitous, universerous sense of the word. AWWWWESOME.

I arrived half a MINUTE before the class was supposed to start (which was, of course, good for me because I’m ALWAYS late for everything). There were windows. I looked through them: a SEA of mats, Gorgeouses; a SEA of them awaited me. There were green mats, pink mats, black mats, blue mats, thin mats, thick mats, old mats, new mats. And, there were faces. Many faces! Young ones, old ones, thin ones, plush ones….

Happy. I decided to go HAPPY on them. I was nervous. And, the best way to handle it was to go in happy. After all, the CD mix that I made specifically for this evening class was JOYOUS HAPPY.

Here’s one of the songs, just for you. If you have the time, just sit cross-legged with your hands on your knees, eyes closed, and listen; when thoughts come up, notice them, and let them go — and there you have a meditation!

(That’s “Ong Namo,” by Snatam Kaur, from her album Grace.)

I also mixed in some funky drum beats for the sun salutation sequence and the VERY CHALLENGING standing poses I had planned….

(That’s “Facing East,” by Thievery Corporation, from the album Oriental Lounge.)

I took a deep breath, rolled my shoulders back, placed my hand on the doorknob and entered the room. “Hi everyone, I’m Haley! What a big class! Great!”

It was beautiful. I tried to connect a little with each individual as I taught — to make eye contact and smile. Happy. I converted my nervous energy to HAPPY HAPPY (JOY JOY), and it worked. I don’t think a single one of them realized how VERY introverted and shy I am on the inside. I fooled myself pretty well, too…. As the class went on, though, there was no fooling: I forgot where I was and let it all flow happily, naturally, confidently.

I left the gym, and a BEAUTIFUL sunset sky greeted me. The air was so fresh and crisp. Harmonious. Everything was as it should be. Me, teaching yoga. To GIANT class. Spreading the HAPPY while toning, stretching, releasing, energizing, AWAKENING bodies and minds…. What an honour. Love….